|
|
| |
|
|
| |
Victim
or Volunteer? by Hilda de la Rosa |
|
| |
|
|
|
It's not my fault. But you don't understand. I didn't ask to be born. I did not have any education opportunities. My father was and alcoholic. I was molested when I was young. If only I were rich, black, white, clever, pretty, lived in another country, town, or city. I can't change my life until; I get a divorce, a new job, move house, my children leave home, I've paid my bond, buy a new car, etc. These are statements of the victim. How often have we heard ourselves, or those around us, make these statements. Our lives are in a holding pattern for that illusive moment, "until"….
In the interim, we seem to have become the chairperson of the "I'm-so-unhappy-can-I-tell-you-about-it?" club. Groups of people congregate around dinner tables, at dart games, football fields, meeting halls, parliament and restaurants, complaining about how difficult their lives, spouses, children, colleagues or friends are or the state of the country, the crime, the rape statistics, the value of the
rand. Thousands of rands are spent at countless numbers of therapist's rooms, where we go year after year, in the hope that we can be happy.
Is it co-incidental that all these negative things happen to us, or have we set it up that way? People treat us the way we have taught them to treat us. Our husbands, children, colleagues all treat us the way they treat us because we have made it okay. Situations in our lives are the way they are because we have set them up that way. We are divine beings, created in the image of God, with the capability of creating our own reality in exactly the way that is appropriate for our souls to experience that which it has come to experience. Our past or childhoods were as they were in absolute appropriateness. If your soul has come to the planet to teach the feminine of the species that life can go on after rape, does it not stand to reason that your soul would have set up the very possibility that you would in fact be raped, in order for it to fulfil its purpose?
If it is your soul's purpose to teach other humans that it is not appropriate to harm or abuse animals, can you see that it would also have to set up the harmful examples in order to teach this? Since without the examples, can the lesson be effectively taught? Who therefore, are the so-called wrongdoers? Can we really place blame or judge those that are perpetuating "wrong" to ward us, if it is our souls that have in fact set up those very wrongs? If we "designed" the life to facilitate the soul's experience, surely we would have had to ask other souls to assist us in facilitating those very experiences?
To use a personal example: My soul had some unbalanced issues with another soul. By unbalanced I don't mean right or wrong, I mean "out of balance". The Universe is an extremely organised place and the moment anything becomes out of balance, it will do everything in its power to bring, that which is out of balance, back into alignment. Hence the statement "you reap what you sow". The Universe, karma, life, is about cause and effect. Each one of us will experience both sides of the same coin. To experience only one side, would cause an imbalance. The soul I had the issue with, happened to be a step mom (in this lifetime). Issues existed which were not finalised in a previous life. Way back then I was the "step mom" and she the daughter. This lifetime, the roles needed to be reversed in order for the imbalance to correct itself.
It would have been completely pointless to set up this correction had my soul not also set up, together with all the other souls in our little play called "Life", the circumstances to facilitate this correction. In order for me to have a step mom, my parents should either have been divorced or my mother had to die. Neither choice very favourable for a twelve-year-old child. However all the souls involved agreed to facilitate my learning. Father, mother, bothers sisters, step mom, her children, etc, etc. It would also not be appropriate for my learning, to set up a possible "rescue" attempt. So it was not an option to have a standby "granny" who could, for instance, "save me from my step mom". The imbalance between the soul now called my step mom and the soul which is me, would be brought back into alignment in this lifetime. The personality however, does not necessarily enjoy this experience. But can one really say that the stepmother is bad and the stepdaughter is the victim? Everything in life is experiential. Not good or bad, just experiential.
We will experience both sides of the coin. If not this lifetime - then later. This is not a punishment, this is simply so because the soul wants both perspectives. There are essentially three sides to every experience. Positive, negative and neutral. Neutrality is what we are searching for. Neutrality brings with it feelings of serenity, peace and calm. One cannot become neutral if both sides of the experience have not been completed. If you therefore have a reaction about an issue - any issue, be it rape, child abuse, alcoholism, whatever, it simply means that you have not become neutral to the issue. Hence you have to experience the other side of the coin.
So we set up life after life, experience after experience. Since we have reached a stage in our evolution where we can begin to grasp these concepts, we can begin to choose experiences in joy. We no longer need the experience of pain. The time of pain is over. But we have a choice. We can still experience both sides of the coin but through forgiveness rather than retribution. Hence the term, "turn the other cheek".
"Fine" you say, "what does that have to do with me in my miserable marriage that I can not get out of?" EVERYTHING. It is your choice to stay in this marriage. You have set up the circumstances to facilitate your learning. You can either learn through joy or through pain. You have programmed your spouse to treat you in a certain way. It may have taken years and it may have started with small things like, picking up after him or her. It was your choice to start picking up. You had the choice to let things be, or not. You could have chosen to let it lay there until it turned to dust. Remember, each and every one of us is perfect just the way we are. We are perfectly and appropriately primed to facilitate the learning our souls set out to do. We only have two choices - to learn through pain or to learn through joy. If you are the spouse picking things up behind the other - don't expect them to be grateful, expect them to throw more things on the floor. If it is their soul's experience to learn about tidiness - are you facilitating that learning by cleaning up after them?
You can apply this rule to any situation. Every soul does exactly that which is appropriate for it. When you feel trapped in a situation, it is your soul making you aware that it is either time to change it or to move on.
Often, an abused woman will say something like, "but he is a very good father". Isn't it amazing that we can say that a man - who teaches his children that it is okay to treat the person one claims to love abusively - is a good father. Surely a good father will teach his children that one protects those that one loves? In any event, one cannot hide 'a bad marriage' from one's children. Everything has energy. Our children are hypersensitive to energy and will pick up any 'vibes'. Those that are loving and those that are not. They pick up these vibes no matter where they are. They do not have to be in the same room or even the same house. We are all energetically linked to those close to us. Are bad marriages good for our children? I am aware that children need both parents. However, the parents do not have to live in the same house to be good parents. The ideal of course, is to work it out and stay together. But if that is not possible, remove yourself and those you love, to a space where honour and respect can be restored. We often hear that it is not possible for the abused individual to move, but when we are faced with nothing left to loose except our lives, we find strength that we did not know we had. We just need to decide when enough is enough. Enough for you may not be enough for the next person. We will experience that which we need to experience until such time as we decide that we have learned enough. We teach our children how we allow others to treat us and they take this learning with them and believe that they should be treated that way too. This learning in itself, is neither good nor bad - it is just learning.
We as a species have reached a stage in our evolution where the choice of learning with joy is very real. Living with pain or living with joy is learned
behaviour. Our children learn from us. If we teach them to learn through pain, anger, resentment, fear and sorrow, it may take them years to undo that learning and to reprogram themselves - as we have had to learn to reprogram ourselves. We either teach them negative behavioural patterns or positive ones. Children take us at our word. They believe everything we say. If they are shown how to be victims, they will learn how to be victims. If we show them that we are all souls on a journey to eternity, and that we are divine, and that we create our own reality, they will believe this and behave accordingly. If we show them that we should honour all life, they will live this, if we show them how to abuse, they will live this also.
There is nothing in this world that can possible happen to you that you have not attracted to yourself. With your learned behaviour and belief systems, you will attract into your life that which you believe. If you believe that you deserve nothing better than a bad marriage - rather than no marriage at all - that is what you will experience. If you allow your visitors to sit around your dining table and discuss the serious crime problem in the country - crime will manifest more in your view of reality. We are divine beings and our thoughts are creative. NOTHING exists that did not exist as a thought first. Never mind that we are what we eat. Mind rather that we are what we think. That which you focus your attention on, is that which you will manifest in your life.
How many times have we said, "I'm broke" and we are astonished if that statement manifests as true. The mere words "I am" are the most powerfully creative words we can use. How often do we use the term "I am" out of context? I am sick, has a definite meaning and this will be so, but are you really your sickness or do you just feel sick? We are astonished that we have an ache in our neck after we have, countless number of times said that "so and so is a pain in the neck". No surprise then that there are so many of us who have spastic colons? If you focus your attention of the lack of money - that is what you will have. If you focus your attention on the crime situation - that is what you will see more of in your reality. If you focus your attention on the diminishing value of the
rand - you will have less and less to spend. This manifestation becomes all the more powerful as the number of people who focus their attention on it, increases. If one individual can create his/her own reality so powerfully, imagine what we are capable of as a group. Think of the fear mentality we create in regions, not only in our cities but also in entire countries.
If we are masters of our own universe and create our own experiences of our own realities all of the time, who is responsible for that which goes wrong in our lives but ourselves? How can we accept responsibility for that which goes right in our lives but not that which goes wrong? It is stated in one of our great books, "ask and ye shall be given" but we have not read the small print. It does not say, "Ask and ye shall be given the good bits". I have seen a congregation pray for rain on a Sunday morning at church and shortly after the service is over, members of the congregation stand around outside saying; "it's definitely not going to rain today". That is a statement of fact - the Universe does not judge right from wrong since we have complete free will. It simply gives us what we ask for. Our grandmothers were wiser than we thought. Many of us will remember the statement, "be careful what you wish for".
That on which you focus your attention is that which will manifest in your life. The choice is yours. Will you continue to be a member of the life-is-very-hard club or will you take full responsibility for your own reality and create it in such a way that it brings you and those around you joy, peace, prosperity and above all, love.
If we can only reach a point where we can grasp that we are all actors in the greatest play ever - a play called LIFE. Try to treat your fellow thespians as just that - actors in a play. We need to remember that when the curtain comes down, all the actors congratulate each other for the great interpretation of the various roles they have chosen to play - even if the play is a tragedy. Remember, we all belong the same theatre group called HUMANITY. The director of this theatre group is God, whatever your understanding of God is. The greatest illusion is the separateness of man - if we can lose that, we will finally understand that we are in fact our brother's keeper and "that which we do unto another, is that which we do unto ourselves". Go in peace and love and enjoy the role you are playing, and play it with gusto! |
|
|
